I read the last long one I wrote and I was up in arms about my surgeon telling me... ya, you have to do this. Sooo... heart surgery it is again... I had so many questions and so many worries, by asking the right questions I learned some really good things, and of course some risky ones that I would like to share :) In the end I think this whole entry is positive so I will start there and gradually get more positive :) Finally huh?
So yah terrified and a little heart stricken my doctor told me I should go for surgery. To recap, I have a blocked left lung with solid stone blood clots that have been there since 7 weeks after my first surgery which was 3.5 years ago now (fuck... time flies). Why they came back after having a world renown surgeon completely remove them? Basically first reason.. because I suck. and the other reasons that are possible no one is really to sure, but it could be A) since my blood likes to clots, its possible from being lethargic after surgery my body built one SO fast in my legs while trying to get my blood regulated that it shot straight up to the honey hole, at that time i didnt have an IVC filter, which I have now (prevents clots from going into your vital organs from your legs), B) my blood thinning meds were a f**ck up (which I have always thought), or C) they formed in situ.... which is wild as it is something that has rarely been seen and again D) because im just unlucky! :) Why I re-capped....
Im totally terrified that would happen again, go through this big hurrah and have this all come back and have been sawed open one more time for nothing. So I asked... what are the chances. Well there is no number because I am so unique but there is a less likely chance of re-clotting as I do now have the filter and this time around an even MORE elite team of Haematologists will be at my bed side dictating my blood thinning and carefully watching me. Put it this way, i get Canada's best.... because whoever figures me out... CHA CHING (prolly not true, but thats how my family and I look at it lol). So there is one. That one is actually my biggest fear. BIGGEST. I think it would have an effect on my mental health this time around if that happened again and I am in a damn happy place right now so no... we don't want that.
Another thing was the CT scanning I have to go through, I am so terrified of cancer, I wish I wasn't.... but I am, well a little less now maybe. I have had 15 CT scans... I would probably have at least... 4 more for the surgery or around that time. One before, one immediately after, one for follow-up. So I brought this concern up. Keep in mind I'm one of the cases that actually needs these CT scans, I have never had a USELESS one like people have been complaining about in the news, aka how the states CT scan people when they have a cough, without my scans I would have died long ago. When I brought this up with the cardiologist two weeks ago via tele health, he said... I know you are scared, no one likes seeing nuclear medicine being shot directly into their vein, but... you went to Costa Rica last year right? right. And you flew home for Christmas? on three flights all together? then toronto? then El Salvador? Then Costa Rica? Then to Vancouver? Then to Fort St. John? Each one of those flights has given you more radiation then a single CT scan. There are people who fly for work everyday, think of it that way and maybe that could help. YEP! Helppeeed. And I am shocked. I could write a whole shwack about that too... but I am not now. So ok, I am OK with that now.
Last concern, but not really a big one to me, what are the chances of survival? He couldn't give me an answer :( There is no number... not for me. It is riskier because it is a repeat surgery and also things are solid in there now, they aren't mucous like clots anymore... they are more like stones. There is a chance of failure. But because I am young and otherwise healthy and I am in a good position right now the chances are really high-ish. Higher than someone unhealthy and more aged. But lets face it... I don't have to live with that, no pun intended. But... the benefits outweigh these what if worries.
The great answers :) Benefits of surgery, a clean lung, a clean slate, no more chances of developing pulmonary hypertension, not gradually decreasing my QOL every year with heart strain and failure risk, I can run and play soccer again, rip up the mountains harder with the powder king crew, surf with Kostya and hike Macchu Pichu. Now I have already changed my lifestyle... so by no means with a clean slate will I think it is OK to go back to university year ways, or the last couple. I am feeling AMAZING right now, besides the obvious, so if this works out... I am going to be a king. And I will treat my body better then anyone could ever treat their body. I am glad I am getting a head start ! I am already running the marathon to a healthier life :)
So goood :) Baby bok choy with yam and home made pico de gallo :)
Long story only a little longer, I am going to go through with it. Within the next six months. I need some counselling and time with friends and family to decide when the best time is... It might be the first week of march. Enough time to go to that spiritual place and have it set in my mind that I am a super hero and this is all for myself, friends, family and a beautiful life, with kids one day, and running along side dogs... and all the sappy things you can think of. whew!
So I have been keeping pretty strict about the gluten, but everyone has their cheats. I can fully say my cheats have mainly been around other people because hey, you just have too. Still staying good with the alcohol though. I had two glasses on Sons of Anarchy night, the girls and I went out to the NEw Frontier 2 weeks ago and indulged, and we even went to Edmonton this weekend to get some winter shopping done, and instead of drinking, I got food poisoning from asian food in the mall (first time ever tho) which eventually led to the flu, which is probably because my immune system was down. But I think I have done good because besides a common cold, and a mutant blood type, I have not actually been sick in 2 or 3 years. Thank you immune system for being one of the most awesome parts of my body throughout my life time. Point... Holly.
With a few cheats and an otherwise amazing diet situation. I have hit the gym pretty hard. I have now formed a habit. Definition is slowly coming and I enjoy working out and know my limits. With more exercise comes WAY more food too. I don't stop eating now, my metabolism has hit into high gear. I have lost a chunk of chub too. About a 5 pound one in one month.
I dont hover over that thing I promise, but It is nice to see when you take out the garbage, the garbage on you disappears too. And if you work you muscles.... they start to play peek-a-boo. Being sick the last couple days has put a dent in me getting exercise and now I know I am addicted because I am sad about it :( But I also know my body needs TLC, so I have been having some hot totties (the healthy kind), steam baths at the pool, drinking more water, getting probably too much sleep and hanging with the mutts. Even though I am sloth right. I am happy :) I have been talking to my family, keeping in touch with some old friends (although I am sad to say there are two I REALLY need to get in touch with or they will disown me, you know who you are and I am sorry), reading after the gym and basically have been... relaxed.
So tomorrow I hope I feel better and I would love to do some light exercising with some friends, and keep chill-axing for the next few days. Work is going well too so I hope I can keep my head up tomorrow and keep the good work ethic rolling. Then.. off to the lower mainland / island!! Which I am super excited for. Kostya has something up his sleeve... sounds like we will be be in Portland, Oregon at some point and the ocean side... along with an amazing thanks giving dinner this weekend. That is a whole other entry to write about!! So I will leave that until I get back. I think I will write one more entry before I leave on Saturday and focus it on exercises to share with you :)
Thanks for keeping me motivated... you help. Whoever you are.
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